I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
