he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
