Do vagina's smell?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
