Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think your dad took our porno
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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