Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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