It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize