She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
