that's an acceptable place to lick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
