I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
