Your face is a jimmy john
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
did i just pee glitter
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
