i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
