I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
