I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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