it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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