is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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