Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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