this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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