Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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