"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
