im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
