you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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