she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
how does that bad decision feel?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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