i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
