i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
