Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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