i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
