if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
