If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
