I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Alive.
So much puke
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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