Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
