I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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