My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ttyl tear gas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
