9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
