Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
