Will you blow on my dice?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
COCAINE IS GR8
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
