Im at strip club and am horny
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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