Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize