Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
