Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
