I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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