i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
