Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
