I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
