the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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