Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize