no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
