Your dad touched me again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
