Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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