I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
