good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
