from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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