The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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