even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
