Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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