"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
