Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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