just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
