mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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