After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
