He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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