Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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