You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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