I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
